Staying in the dark.

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” If that quote is indeed true, then I am most definitely insane. And that quote applies to every single time I’ve tried to become a part of a community, or fandom, or any type of social interaction. For quite a long time now, I’ve attempted to be part of a social circle, just wanting to feel like I belong somewhere. Try as I might, I can never seem to fit in with a group, and the only common denominator in any of these attempts has been … me. Being the one that was constantly picked on through childhood, physically and mentally bullied, and being part of a family that, in all truthfulness, didn’t even want me in the first place (but kept me because of legalities regarding the sensible option and the sense, at the time, to ‘do the right thing and own up to your mistakes’) made me feel like I constantly had to try hard to win approval, to make me feel that I had worth as a person and that, just maybe, I did have a place in this world. I’ve made countless attempts, and each one has been a complete and utter failure. At every failure, I swear to myself that I’m through, and will never attempt such foolishness again. It works for a while, until I find myself investigating something else I have an interest in, and give it one more try, because This Time Is Going To Be Different. It never is. I’ve met some nice people here, I’ve not had any really negative experiences in my time on this site, but I don’t see things getting any better, or changing, at any point in the immediate or distant future. So, I think the best thing I can do for everyone, myself included, is to stay dark. I may pop in from time to time, maybe post in a thread if I have anything relevant to add, answer a poll or two, but for the most part, don’t expect a lot out of me. I apologize for any inconvenience I may have caused.