Story In Progress

Okay, so, I started this story yesterday after daydreaming in class about a portal to Equestria opening above my school and pulling everyone through to Equus. Yeah, weird daydream, but that's what I think about. xD Anyway, I decided to write this, and this is what I've got so far. Any tips, constructive criticism, or hate? Comment please! I love feedback. :3 Or did I do a good job and just need to keep doing what I'm doing?