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Starlit Spackle
#43
Here we go! Lets see what kind of hidden potential we have sitting here in my inbox.
Name
Red Ink
Sex
Female
Species
Pony - Earth
Picture
Body Colour
Pale yellow, white underbelly, soft brown splotches around both eyes
Judging by the image and the character's name, those brown splotches are a result of heavy crystal meth use.
Mane Colour
Brilliant scarlet with white streaks
Good example of colour wheel theory picking triadic colours. Although I don't know what part of scarlet is brilliant, considering the only two times you use scarlet as a colour is if you're drawing off-hue bloodstains or trying to remember the name of that one escort you met up with after you made a visit to the health clinic.
Eye Colour
Green-cyanish white
Straying a bit far from the colour wheel, but still close enough. Although there is not a single colour on this character yet that doesn't remind me of my binge drinking vomit.
Body Type
Endomorph
Fatty.
Foalhood
Red was born the third of her parent’s four foals, the only filly in the family until her younger sister came along when Red was almost a teenager. Her two older brothers would bother, tease and pick on the ditzy young mare constantly. Because of this Red developed a thick skin at a young age, quickly learning to play and act with the big boys. Shortly thereafter, her father developed a strong drinking habit that eventually led to him leaving the picture and visiting infrequently for quite some time. He returned a clean stallion shortly after Red had dropped out of school, several years later.
> until her younger sister came along when Red was almost a teenager.
hehe. Oops-foal.
> Her two older brothers would bother, tease and pick on the ditzy young mare constantly.
Reword this to be less emo. Saying "Growing up in a male-dominated household with two older brothers, Red Ink developed a thick skin." is so much less angsty than whatever the fuck you wrote.
I can't wait until this character develops well in a happy household with positive role models to base their behavi-
> Shortly thereafter, her father developed a strong drinking habit that eventually led to him leaving the picture and visiting infrequently for quite some time.
Whelp, that worked out for a whole 10 seconds. Lets see how this works into the character's storyline later on before we judge too harshly
> He returned a clean stallion shortly after Red had dropped out of school, several years later.
See, that wasn't so bad. Right now though, I'm more interested in the Dad's story than yours. Be more interesting.
Cutie Mark
Baseball bat entwined in rose vines
I didn't know that you could take early 2000's trailer trash and turn it into an OC.
Cutie Mark Story
It was a slaughter. Six innings in and Red’s Little League baseball team was so far behind that irate parents were pressuring the coach to let their benched foals leave or to simply call the game early. Much to Red’s disappointment this included her own mother and siblings. Coming up to bat Red made note of a fence partially ripped and pulled down by impatient foals in front of the winning team’s dugout, in front of which stood the tall and imposing coach looking at his star pitcher proudly. His cheek sure looked like a nice place for a baseball, and that’s exactly where it went. This may have earned the little mare a disqualification and stern lecture from both coaches, but also a sweet butt tattoo.
> It was a slaughter
Basically how I'm feeling right now.
> Coming up to bat Red made note of a fence partially ripped and pulled down by impatient foals in front of the winning team’s dugout, in front of which stood the tall and imposing coach looking at his star pitcher proudly. His cheek sure looked like a nice place for a baseball, and that’s exactly where it went. This may have earned the little mare a disqualification and stern lecture from both coaches, but also a sweet butt tattoo.
How I read this the first time around was that the character put the ball directly in the break in the fence. Was definitely about to lecture about cliches, yell about innapropriate forshadowing, and mock you for stupidity.
But now I just get to congratulate your character for graduating from edgy emo to violent edgy emo.
Because if there's one thing this world needs, it's more positive reinforcement for senseless impulsive violence! And what your character did here really is senseless, because it has no basis in reality. What made your character want to do this? What motivations did your character have for doing this? You told us the who what when where, but you didn't tell us why. Why is 50% of the story when we're talking about characters - so maybe I should just be dissapointed that you submitted an incomplete character.
Personality
Deceitful, rebellious, animated, optimistic. She’s highly antagonistic towards the law, pompous wealthy folk and do-gooders unless she can find some common-ground on which to build a personal relationship.
Coincidentally my favourite Sex Pistols song came on here. Fitting, because DAE ANARRCHYYYY FOR THE UUUUUU KAYYYYYA
Likes
Troublemaking, athletics, mean-spirited jokes, creamy coffee with lots of sugar
Mean spirited jokes have good potential for RP. Familiarity breeds contempt anyways, so if you skip step one it's a much more efficient way to spend your time. I wanna know what kind of hijinks are common with your character.
Dislikes
Salad, nerds, authority figures, being short, wearing clothes
Is it legal to make an OC that would hate you IRL? Also my anti-vegetarian alarm is going off and I love it. I want justification for your anti-short stance, however I do not want justification for your hate of wearing clothes.
Skills
Excelled at baseball and ‘hoof’ball (American football equivalent) in school, nowadays she’s devilishly proficient at hitting marks by 'batting' small items and fairly good at tossing them
> Excelled at baseball
Your cutie mark story says otherwise.
> ‘hoof’ball (American football equivalent)
I believe you mean Handball
Detailed History
Red Ink grew up in the seaside city of Baltimare, skipped town when she came of age, and found sanctuary among the ranks of a small Badlands gang situated in an abandoned mine not far from Appleoosa. She adored the close-knit community this crummy little gang had. They comprised of a strange blend of diamond dogs, donkeys and ponies of every sort. Though she’s still quite young, Red can safely be called a seasoned bandit. As a mare that makes her wages by robbing honest merchants and travelers, she’s accumulated a frighteningly long list of enemies across every corner of Equestria.
I find your anti-establishment attitude and your choice of hometown to be amusing.
I also find your choice of setting for the future of your character interesting. I'd like to know more about what motivated your character to pursue banditry as opposed to being urban trash.
Physical Attributes: 4
Psychological Attributes: 4
Historical Attributes: 4
Unity: 4
Additional point for reasonable colour choice and lack of explicitly stated crystal meth addiction.
Verdict: Good details, needs some help around the edges
TLDR: Edgy violent 2000's trailer trash graduates and separates themselves from society, and sustains themselves on the hard work of others. This TLDR has striking similarities to my own experiences.
Last update on January 13, 2:38 pm by Starlit Spackle.