You're Not Strong Enough To End Me.

Another vent post. Last one I made almost got me banned so I'll try to make sure this one isn't bannable too but if it is oh well. October marks the yearly anniversary of my coming out. This particular year is the fifth year since. Five years in the closet. Five years of hiding beyond online aliases. Five years of looking over my shoulder. Five years of subversive planning, five years of crying behind the mask of a smiling persona, five years of testing the waters with random strangers to find anyone to cling to. Five years of fighting murderous urges towards those that keep me in the closet, five years of ruining friendships with the anger that will never have an outlet. Five years of pretending to be a good little Christian child because in this household anyone who sets a toe out of line is dead to the rest. I am not as nice a person as you all believe me to be. My heart is full of so much hatred and the only reason I get up every day is because I can. Spite is my only motivator, and the only fear I hold is that of more pain. If there's any takeaway I have for all you cartoon horse fucks, it's to chin the fuck up. I hate your weakness. All of you. Every complaint I see, every vent I observe, every whine I hear...you're going to get past it. And probably sooner than you think. If I can endure this as long as I have, then you can too. Perhaps not with my same level of duress, but to purport I'm some sort of goddess for being able to survive with no anti-depressants, no significant other, no physical comfort-I'm not. I'm just you, but I've let my hatred replace my hope. I've said no because others said no first. And for the love of fuck keep your pity posts out of here. Your pity does nothing for me.