NAMEGENDERSPECIESBODY COLOURMANE COLOUREYE COLOUR
Stop being poor and get some art of your OC.
FOALHOODBorn in South-East Trottingham to a Pegasi (her father) and an earth pony (her mother), she was the eldest of two. After her father left the family for another Pegasus he met at work, her mother had to work, so she was sent to a day-care earlier than she should have, at two years old with her baby sister. At primary school, she discovered she loved art class. She only really had one friend through Kindy to grade three. She doesn't even remember her name. During middle school, she collected about three new friends, named Plaid Kilt, Mad Flapper and Stumpy. She didn't speak much while she was in the group. After she accidentally said something highly-offensive to Plaid Kilt, she was kicked out of hr little group.In high-school, she went back to just one friend, a male earth pony named Aster. He was a stage kid. She wanted to be behind a camera. They made a short film called 'Of Earth Ponies and Alicorns' for a school competition. The school board declared it 'too explicit' to be submitted, as it was extremely weird, classist and didn't contain enough verbal storytelling.
I always head-canoned Earth Pony to be the dominant gene, but whatever.
After her father left the family for another Pegasus
Gotta keep that bloodline clean!
This entire section is simultaneously too specific, and annoyingly vague at the same time. “She doesn’t even remember her name”. Speaking so matter of factly is very offputting in this kind of scenario. Remember that you’re defining your character and what’s important to mention during their development into an adult. Is it significant to know that they don’t remember their first childhood friend’s name? No, not really. So remove it. It serves no purpose.
This entire section has to be rewritten to be less shit, and have more effort put into it.
CUTIE MARK
A filming projector under a paint-brush
Oh hey look someone found the clipart section of MS Word. What a joke. Not to mention that the background for the cutie mark is different than your OC’s coat colour, it’s blocky, boring, and fucking gray. Nothing in the MLP artstyle is blocky. Even the things that are square like the buildings and whatever have slight slants and bends in them to keep them casual and artsy. Don’t be boring.
CUTIE MARK STORY
She was a 'blank flank' for longer than most. However, she did get her cutie mark when trying do get a video of the sun celebration for her friends around that time. They were all holidaying in different towns, and her family was the closest to Canterlot. She had always been a big fan of ancient mythology, so this was a dream come true.
Again, with the lack of effort. If you actually are interested in creating a balanced and interesting character you need to put more than 4 sentences of effort into it. I’m going to finish this review simply because I already read ahead and know what’s coming and I wanna make fun of you for making bad decisions.
PERSONALITY
Lights Action has a mostly calm temperament, but that doesn't mean she can't lead other ponies, or stop her from insulting ponies that make her angry or embarrassed. So, she's more passive aggressive. She has an artistic soul, but more photography and Art-house movie art. She has only a small collection of friends, most of them being work-mates. She rarely cries. When she does, though, she does it away from her friends, drinking apple juice and holding Joey. Outside of her workmates and maybe , MAYBE a lover, she doesn't really talk to anypony
I love it when people who aren’t leaders try to describe leaders. They always, always get it wrong. Having a calm temperament is a prerequisite to being a leader. Otherwise you end up being impulsive, which will break the trust your subordinates have with you.
Lights Action has a mostly calm temperament,
stop her from insulting ponies that make her angry or embarrassed.
I hate this trope. “This character is X but can also be Y.”.
You know what that is? That’s called a characterization contradiction. When you contradict what you say about a character immediately after, your character is stuck in a purgatory of shittiness that it will never escape. Pick what your character is like, and run with it.
When you have a character that’s calm, you want to keep that going. You want them to follow their character as close as you can for as long as you can. Do you know why? Because when you are inevitably forced to break character because of something happening - it has that much more impact.
Think of Fluttershy, as an example. She does not break character often. She is always silent, shy, and obedient. When she breaks out of this, it’s because of something significant. And because it’s significant, it gives that much more impact when the character is forced to make that choice.
So basically what I’m saying, is stop being shit.
So, she's more passive aggressive.
Remove this. Being calm, but able to lay down the law is not passive aggressive. Learn the meaning of phrases before you use them.
She rarely cries.
[quote]
This is not significant to the character. Remove it.
[quote]Outside of her workmates and maybe , MAYBE a lover, she doesn't really talk to anypony
Well then, have fun RP’ing an OC that doesn’t want to interact with people. Come back when you make better decisions.
LIKES
Ponyville lore. She used to read the books and everything. Jazzy music; She just loves the beat and saxophone in it. Orange juice. And carrots.
Disjointed likes. Orange juice? Really. You’re going to profess your love for orange juice in a character sheet? Give me a break.
DISLIKES
Cat ponies and cats. She thinks cats are snobby, lazy, and 'you can't really bond with them'. She hate those with think with 'too much logic', as she is a major surrealist and prefers joking around. Hearts and hooves day... For reasons
And that’s all I have to say on that subject.
Hearts and hooves day... For reasons
And this character sheet is going into the garbage where it belongs… for reasons.
Seriously if you’re not going to justify what you say about your character, then whatever you say is useless and worthless.
SKILLS
Her patience, her ability to break up arguments and creativity with her projects, film or otherwise
her ability to break up arguments and creativity with her projects
You remember that time when you had to break up the creativity with your project? Well neither do I, because that doesn’t make sense. Learn how to grammar.
DETAILED HISTORY
She dropped out of her second year of high-school. She stayed with Bo for a few more years until he finally got a role in a movie, leaving her behind. She stayed with her sister for a while, creating a film portfolio and went to college for a short while. Eventually she got into Canterlot University and studied there for six years. She lived in Las Pegasus for a few years, working as a waitress most of the time. She decided to move back to Canterlot after Aster apologized for leaving her in the dust. She either takes pitches, or if it takes too long, makes her own pitch. No-pony should ever let her do that. She's a terrible writer. Her dream is to create a biographical- Or auto-biographical movie based on the royals; Especially on their lives during the just during and after the Discord reign. She says it's wouldn't be just a chance to make something containing the royal family, but to make something surrealist, for old times sake. She's been hired to do two movies as associate director; 'Taking the Cake' -A comedy and 'An Earth Pony in Cloudsdale'-A black comedy. The first movie she made as both producer and director was 'Filly' A psychological horror. She also filmed a commercial once; She doesn't want to talk about it. She just says that it was for a con-man, and she made him be honest about his product for the sake of humor.
I like how you looked at ‘Detailed History’ and decided that this was sufficient.
Seriously, half of this history is, “This character did things that we assume that characters do anyways” with unnecessary details that I don’t give a shit about. Your history is supposed to show why your character is the way they are in the present day - not to write the chronicle of the character. The chronicle is supposed to be on your hard drive, not mine.
She decided to move back to Canterlot after Aster apologized for leaving her in the dust
What happened here? Who’s Aster? Why did they leave your character in the dust? This sounds like it could be potentially interesting (actually, it doesn’t. It sounds like petty personal drama.) but at least it’s more interesting than everything else you apparently thought was reasonable to write here.
You said it, not me.
Her dream is to create a biographical- Or auto-biographical movie
So every single time I wrote something out to respond to how absolutely backwards this sentence is, it never sufficiently put across just how infuriated I am with this. Do you not know what the difference is between a biography and autobiography? Because I don’t think you do.
She says it's wouldn't be just a chance to make something containing the royal family, but to make something surrealist, for old times sake.
What the fuck even is this sentence.
She's been hired to do two movies as associate director; 'Taking the Cake' -A comedy and 'An Earth Pony in Cloudsdale'-A black comedy.
Soon after she was commissioned to write a story called, ‘This OC’ - a comedy.
The first movie she made as both producer and director was 'Filly' A psychological horror. She also filmed a commercial once; She doesn't want to talk about it. She just says that it was for a con-man, and she made him be honest about his product for the sake of humor.
See, this section is where you can tell us the troubles that your character had in making these movies. What challenges she needed to face, what personality flaws gave her problems during the projects, all that good shit. Instead you give us cut and dry “she did this thing.” Everyone knows that saying, “I went to do this for a couple years” is not a proper summary of what happened during those times. Sure, I went to school for 3 years for emergency medicine. I could leave it at that, or talk about the events that happened during those 3 years that shaped me into what I am today. The 6 failed boyfriends who turned me into the salty angry bitch who likes seeing other people cry.
Physical Attributes: 2
Psychological Attributes: 1
Historical Attributes: 1
Unity: 1
Total: 5
Verdict 4-8: Requires immediate incineration
TLDR; A character who believes that doing the same things everyone else does makes them special fails to amount to anything interesting and makes the reviewer reconsider that time where they chose not to overdose on smack in a Halifax crackhouse.
