Spackle's OC Rating Thread

Starlit Spackle

May 8, 2018

#58

NAME

Angel Wingate Heart

GENDER

Female

SPECIES

Pony - Pegasus

BODY COLOUR

#FFFFFF

#FFFFFF to pay respects.

MANE COLOUR

Glunt

This is not a colour, this is a brand of tobacco blunt that is obviously not used for tobacco.

EYE COLOUR

Ruby red

FOALHOOD

Well, since this was left blank I am going to assume that your character was birthed at adult size, and that makes me extremely uncomfortable.

CUTIE MARK

a white heart, with red outline and cross in the middle, aswell as two white pegasus wings spreading out of them.

I’m going to take your description for what it is because holy shit is that image tiny. On another note though your cutie mark is primarily white. On a white pony. You can begin to see the problem that arises from this.

Make the dominant colour of your cutie mark some other colour than what your body is. Otherwise it looks like shit.

CUTIE MARK STORY

Angel is gifted in the field of medicine and health, aswell as tending to her patients.

Ever since she was a filly, her favourite subject had been health. At around the age of 8, she helped another foal on the playground with a large and unsanitary cut on his foreleg. He had gotten it while playing, and with no adults around, Angelheart went into action. She successfully cleaned, bandaged, and fixed the wound.

That day her shining reward appeared on her flank. It was her cutie mark,

Another gifted protoge. Great. They come at a dime a dozen anyways, so you’re already a step behind in the race to try to make your character even remotely interesting. I’d also be quite scared if there was someone that was apparently gifted in the field of medicine and health, but apparently didn’t possess the mental capacity to tend to their patients. One of those is a prerequisite to the other, and I am scared to the fact that you have to define this.

Not to mention that the statement of, ‘her favourite subject had been health’ gives me terrible emotionally tauting flashbacks. You say health class like there was an entire subject dedicated to making sure that everyone knew the proper way to apply a bandage and to not rub your eyes with the same cotton ball that you just soaked in hydrogen peroxide. The health class I remember involves being really uncomfortable, something about bananas, and being really confused when we were assigned homework in groups.

Although I have to say that I’m quite impressed that you were able to curb your enthusiasm enough to make a proper action to base your cutie mark around. The event that lead to the achievement of your cutie mark was not overly ambitious for the stage of your characters life that they’re in. It’s a monumental achievement, especially since they’re doing an action that they’re very interested in. Taking care of others.

Although I could do with some more embellishment on this point. You don’t have to be a damn Connelly to push in a couple extra sentences about your cutie mark story. Sure you got it. You’ve established that, but what about what really matters? How did it make your character feel to know that their favourite thing is now their true calling? How did your character react to getting their cutie mark in medicine? What kind of anxiety did it cause your character when they figured out how many years of post secondary education they’ll be forced into and how goddamn expensive it is? How will they cope with their parents asking her why she couldn’t have been interested in something that was a little bloody cheaper?

PERSONALITY

captain Angelheart is a disciplined and loyal military mare. Her attitude is always held high, and she is always ready to help and serve. She had a shy and timid personality when she was little, but her time in the military has shaped her into a confident pony. After school, Angelheart flourished. She escaped her broken family, as well as the bullies that had sat on her life for so long. Her suffering has given her a great empathy, that makes her friendly and understanding to her patients. She has issues with listening to herself and noticing her own problems. While she is friendly and nice, she is always focusing her attention on helping others, rather than herself. Angel doesn't have a family or any friends outside the corps, to spend her time with. Her social side is a bit dull, when it comes to anything outside the R.E.A.F. She can be a bit too serious at times, but Angel has become better at being a social pony

As opposed to pretty much everything else about the character sheet, I like personality to be able to be summed up in a few sentences. Personality rarely gets complicated. As an example, your character’s personality is “has a stick so far up their ass if you attached strings to their limbs you’d call them a puppet.”

I’m going to mention the mandatory stressful family life and the mandatory bullies because it’s stupid, and we need less of it. If it’s not a primary motivator to your character, then forget about it. Everyone already assumes that your character was bullied. Everyone in school was bullied. Everyone in school was a bully. It’s how the world works. Stop trying to feel sorry for yourself for all the pain you went through, because there isn’t anyone on the surface of this questionably spherical world who didn’t go through that in some way, shape or form. Cut it out.

I’d also like to mention that I’m amused by your choice of acronym for the Air Force. Because now if you wanted to refer to someone who is in that service you’d be able to call them a REAFer (reefer).

LIKES

coffee, flying , the most important helping ponies in need

Jobs like being a paramedic, some kind of public service job, or the military is the greatest because no matter what you’re doing everyone in your field has the same appreciation for coffee. If humans were more inclined to cult-like behaviour I would be surprised if there wasn’t a religion based solely around the coffee bean. Jobs like that turn life into very simple math. If you have a programmer, insert coffee and you get code.

I’d also hope you like flying because as a pegasus.

DISLIKES

rainy days, paperwork , not being able to help

If you didn’t like paperwork why the hell did you do the paperwork double doosey? Paramedic AND military? If you didn’t like paperwork you literally could do anything else and you’d do less of it.

SKILLS

the R.E.A.F. (Royal Equestrian Air Force) currently in the Ponyville branch. She is a rapid response paramedic whose skills are unbeatable. Her abilities in the branch have always been unmatched by her peers. She is always on the scene when a pony is hurt, and almost always gets the job done. Even on national emergencies, like the changeling attack, or Discord, early in her career, she is ready.

I question the REAF’s decision making skills if they decide that they need a branch in a town that has a population of less than 500.

Also the Air Force serving as the civilian emergency medical services? What? In Earth Pony territory no less. This doesn’t make any sense whatsoever.

DETAILED HISTORY

Angel was born a first foal to her proud parents Springheart and Nightwing in Ponyville.

Throughout her young years, she was a happy foal who was playful at most moments, but yet very serious at others. She made her parents happy when she went to school and became a straight A student, due to their strict discipline.

However, in kindergarten her father had died, and she had run into bullies that would be with her a large portion of her school days. These bullies pointed out this shy and timid filly, for being the only pegasus foal in the class. She was also a easy target for bullying with her defenseless personality at this point.

Angel got through school, past their constant teasing. But the day came where they were all playing on the playground. It was a normal sunny day, and Angelheart was playing pretend with herself under a tree, when all of a sudden a young colt flew off the swing and scraped his leg. Angel went to the rescue, cleaning his large bloody wound by herself, and bandaging it with her trusty bandaging in her saddle bag. This colt was her biggest bully and this was the day Angel earned her cutie mark. She showed the bullies that she was needed and useful, and from that day on she went on with no bullies.

Of coarse her foalhood had other important memories, like the day Angel taught herself how to fly. Her strong wings easily sliced through the air, and provided the wing power for quick and prestigious rescues she does often as a adult.

But the last important aspect of her foalhood, was the day it ended. After her graduation from school, Angel wanted to put her skills to the test in the Royal Air Forces of Equestria. Her mother wanted to do something more safe, like just being a nurse, but she had other ideas. She wanted to combine her medical experience, and her tough wings, to become one of the best in the 1st airborne.

Angel went to boot camp the following week, suffering the pain needed to learn the skills that would transform her from a civilian into a solider. She had successfully did this, being the most meritorious cadet in her year of the program.

After a few years in medical school, her training ended. Angelheart went onto leading the 1st airborne after multiple sucessful missions, but settled with being the national guards leader for natural disasters. But since there isn't natural disasters every day, Angelheart lives, and protects in Ponyville while waiting for the day to come when she is needed at another tragic event. She had helped ponies when Discord, the black vines and the changelings attacked, so she is always ready for more to come around again.

Springheart and Nightwing? Apparently opposites do attract.

she was a happy foal who was playful at most moments, but yet very serious at others.

That’s called having an emotional range that’s greater than a teaspoon. It’s not an accomplishment, it’s called being normal.

in kindergarten her father had died,

Because I definitely needed another tally on my ‘dead parents’ ticker. Seriously, when will you guys learn that MLP does not have explicitly stated death?

These bullies pointed out this shy and timid filly,

“Hey you! You’re shy and timid!”

“Yes, I am.”

“Yeah… uh. Yeah! Timid! And shy!”

“Yes. Your point being?”

Great bullying guys. Way to hustle.

bandaging it with her trusty bandaging in her saddle bag.

I know this isn’t exactly the same, but we have a term in the medical community for a civilian who over prepares for medical emergencies with things that he either has little to no training with, or is not certified to use. We call them ‘Ricky Rescues’, and they are absolutely abysmal. They cause more harm than good most of the time. Seriously had someone try to give Insulin to a stranger because he thought they were going Hyperglycemic. Thankfully, the police arrived before us and told that guy to cut it the fuck out because if he had administered the dose he had, he would have killed them.

I mention this because the fact that she was stocked up on bandages in her saddlebag reminds me of it. Don’t be a Ricky Rescue boys and girls. Know your limit, don’t be a hero.

She showed the bullies that she was needed and useful, and from that day on she went on with no bullies.

I mean, she’s still going to get bullied. The concept of bullying is that as long as one is different, they’ll be picked on. So this really doesn’t make sense to include. Also considering that she wasn’t apparently being picked on for being useless in the first place. Just that they were bullying her because she made herself an easy target.

and her tough wings

Where’d this come from? Last I heard she was defenceless and timid. When did she go from defenceless to literally joining the military because she thought she was tough.

Or is this just her projecting on herself that she is greater than who she thinks she is and she’s going to be dealt a whole big dose of reality soon. I hope for the latter, because that’d be more interesting.

suffering the pain needed to learn the skills that would transform her from a civilian into a solider

This is the correct way to rationalize life. Life is pain. Life is suffering. The only difference between failures and functional beings is that people who succeed use the pain to make themselves better. You don’t suffer any more, or any less. You just choose how that pain will affect you. Will it cause you to post non-stop to anime image boards? Talking to this audience, that’s probably an affirmative.

I love it when civilians try to figure out how the military works. There’s a significant lack of E-4 mafia angst here. Although I question the military’s departmentalization by making a department entirely dedicated to natural disasters. All militaries do it a specific way because it makes the most sense. The department that handles dispaching and organization for natural disasters is an organization of the federal government. That organization then utilizes assets from Air Rescue, Combat Engineers, and Logistics to respond to any given crisis. IE FEMA.

But since there isn't natural disasters every day, Angelheart lives, and protects in Ponyville while waiting for the day to come when she is needed at another tragic event.

And causes widespread confusion on why the military is paying someone to not do anything all day in a town that has a negligible population.

Actually who am I kidding, that’s not as bad as some of the stupid things the military does already. Doesn’t mean I can’t like it. Humph.

Physical Attributes: 4

Psychological Attributes: 3

Historical Attributes: 3

Unity: 4

Total: 14

13-17: Good details, needs some help around the edges

Last update on May 8, 6:41 pm by Starlit Spackle.