Living Life in The Night

!!!!!!!!READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!!!!!! Hectic. Hell. Boring. Discouraging. There are a lot of words that can be used to describe one’s day…. Or even one’s life. As life goes one, as one grows older, we learn and grow. We laugh and we cry. We feel pain and happiness. We cry and we smile. We go throw many experiences the longer we live. As we live our lives, we only hope we are living life well enough. But how are we living. For many of us, life is a hellscape of sorts. Whether it be true, what we believe, or how we perceive life, that’s what life is for many of us. The stress, the struggle, the pain…. We are all told it’s to make us stronger, yet we see others that bare smiles as they bathe in the day. Those we see seem to bare no stress, no worries, no pain. We see this and wish to believe it’s a façade, but the more we see, the more it feels true. It makes us question…. Is that truly the point of this pain? This stress. This struggle? There can’t be a point to it…. Not unless the point of it is to kill us. The point of this is to kill us as we live ‘till we eventually give in…. For many of us, life is a constant motion of turmoil. We try to live life the best we can through the stress, the pain, and exhaustion. It’s not all bad. We have moments of peace, moments of happiness, but they are fleeting. The only peace we get is in the night when we can finally rest… Even the peace is fleeting. In this repetitive cycle of doubt and stress, even the peace of rest is fleeting. It gets to a point where we doubt the life we have. Eventually, we get so used to life with no peace that we start to believe we don’t deserve peace. We start to doubt every decision we make. We doubt everything we believe. We even start to doubt the pain. We die without realizing it. We float and only dream of better days…. For many of us, life is somewhat of a dream. Just the right amount of happiness and pain. Not too bad, and not too good, depending on the standards and perception that others have of life. Living life in the day with minimum stress….. Eventually even that becomes stale. The mind becomes plagued with doubts. It makes one wonder if they could do more in life. If this is really all that there is to life. We start looking for ways to broaden our horizon, yet no matter how far we reach, we can never attain. We eventually become hopeless. We become hateful. We fail to see the potential in us that others see and become envious of the potential we see in others.... They say ”Misery loves company”…. but they never tell you how much Misery ENVIES Joy…. For many of us, life is dull. Not on the bad side, not even on the good side; Not even depressing. It’s just dull. We feel we are in a constant state of gray. We see everyone trapped in their lives. They are constantly repeating their cycle. Sheep wandering in an abyss, some wanting to break away and be free. Wolves in sheep’s clothing walking amongst them, some wanting to be more sheep than wolf. We see the façade of smiles, the shame of pain, the daybreak of turmoil in the chaotic movements of those who attempt to flow with life. We refuse to find more in life because we believe the truth to be that there is nothing more to it. To us, it is all pointless. Looking for more makes us become like others. We wish not to be like others. We understand joy is fleeting. We understand the inevitable chaos that lingers over our shoulders. We understand there is no way out. This is it. Fight it or live with it. We don’t expect more, nor do we expect less. We simply just exist and keep to ourselves. We believe ourselves to be the only ones to know truth, acceptance, and sometimes resilience…. What we don’t understand is that we were the first ones to have truly given up on everything. We are the dead walking in life…. For many of us, life is a mess. Life is depressing. We wish for it to end. Some of us see to it that it ends. Some of us just hang on to the string of hope we have left. Some of us turn to many, many different outlets. We turn to substances. Drugs and alcohol. We turn to music, art, night drives, culinary, roleplaying, and many more. We sometimes even turn to darker things. Prostitution, the high of clout, servitude, and many other things. We look for anything and everything to take our pain away and even offer an escape from the things we refuse to address. Often times, we do it to forget everything, yet we fail to understand that what the mind forgets, the heart remembers. All of these things are mechanisms used for the same purpose, but they are all fleeting. They never work for ever. They eventually start to make things worse as they remind us of the very pain we wanted to forget. We end up believing that we’ve become monsters, not realizing its more our actions than our thoughts that make us what we are. We fail to realize that everyone has intrusive thoughts, messages given to us by an unknown force. The messages have most people doing terrible things. Many of us don’t give in to these intrusive messages, keeping them to ourselves and trying to bury them deep down. Often times, we never seek help for our pain. We accept that we are worthless. We accept that we are monsters. We keep the pain in and hide it behind a smile. A façade. As we live life in the day, we act as if we are ok. We feel we have no choice but to do so. If we were to let anyone in, tell anyone our pain, tell anyone our secrets, ask for help, we would be cast aside. We would be hated, punished, and chastised. So we hold it in and hope we can make it long enough to take it all to the grave with us…… That is unless we end it all first…. We live through many experiences, all unique to ourselves. Not one life is to be compared to another. Its OUR life with OUR own struggles and pains. Life is far to complicated to compare it to others, yet we do it so often. We undermine the struggles of others by comparing. We downplay others unique individual pain by comparing it to others. We push others to their limits. We harm others by not truly hearing. We demean others by not trying to understand and offering only the minimum of strange looks and condescending lectures. It gets to a point where we believe we deserve the cards we’ve been dealt in this game of poker, where the player knows our tells, but refuses to acknowledge them. It gets to a point where we believe ourselves to live in darkness, the walls pushing inward with no way of escape ‘till we eventually die…. It is at this point that that we learn to live life in the night. It is the only time we experience true peace. The calm solace of the stars and the moon gleaming down on us in the midnight sky. The serenity of the quiet environment as the stars and moon light up all that is around. The moon becomes our best friend. During the time when all pain, stress, doubt, and all negativity is at rest, the moon and the night offers its comfort. The moon watches over us and listens. Never judging, never demeaning, never casting us aside, and never ignoring us. A true friend in our time of need. The moon is our one true hope. We give it all of our pain ‘till it slowly falls asleep. When the moon finally wakes back up, it opens its arms happily to receive more of our pain, for it’s the moon that truly desires us to be happy. This is what we begin to believe. This is why we refuse to live life in the day……….. This is why we choose to live life in the night…. Our one true friend, our love….it is the moon…. We look forward to seeing her at night, because we know she will always be with us, accept us, comfort us, nurture us…. Love us…. The moon is our peace, the night is our joy, the stars our happiness. This is our life in the night……..