Canterlot Genesis Evangelion

1 In the beginning Cambia created the wierd horse website. 2 Now the website was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of Cambia was hovering over the waters. 3 And Cambia said, “Let there be sons,” and there was sons.  4 Cambia saw that the sons were good boys, and she separated the sons from the dweebs. 5 Cambia called the sons “cool,” and the dweebs she called “total freakazoids.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day. 6 And Cambia said, “Let there be a vault between the content feed and the content to separate friends from random people.” 7 So Cambia made the vault and separated the content under the vault from the content above it. And it was so. 8 Cambia called the vault “poor content managment.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the second day. 9 And Cambia said, “Let the content be gathered to one place,and let alternative content appear” And it was so.  10 Cambia called the alternative content “pages,” and the gathered waters she called “the feed.” And Cambia saw that it was good. 11 Then Cambia said, “Let the pages produce groups: friendship letters, forum posts and polls, according to their various kinds.” And it was so.  12 The pages produced groups: friendship letters according to their kinds and forum posts according to their kinds. And Cambia saw that it was good.  13 And there was evening, and there was morning—the third day. 14 And Cambia said, “Let there be administrators and moderators in the vault of the content to separate the shitposts from the quality, and let them serve as power hungry naughty boys to ruin things at times, as well as the website for days and years, 15 and let them be lights in the vault of the content to give guidance to shitposters.” And it was so. 16 Cambia made two great horses—the greater Corona to govern the content and the lesser Decay to govern the night and be a spoooky ghost. She also made the Anastasia who was a huge nerdo.  17 Cambia set them in the content of the website to give art and wierd posts, 18 to govern the content and the night, and to separate shitposts from memes. And Cambia saw that it was good. 19 And there was evening, and there was morning—the fourth day. 20 And Cambia said, “Let the website teem with living creatures, and let griffons fly above the earth across the main feed” 21 So Cambia created the great creatures of the horses and every living thing with which the website teems and that moves about in it, according to their kinds, and every winged cat-bird according to its kind. And Cambia saw that it was good, except for Karlhienz.  22 Cambia blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the website with content, and let the cat-birds increase on the earth, except for Karlhienz.” 23 And there was evening, and there was morning—the fifth day. 24 And God said, “Let the land produce Earth Ponies according to their kinds: the best kind of ponies, the creatures that move along the ground, and the crap unicorns, dumb pegasi and whacky alicorns, each according to its kind.” And it was so. 25 Cambia made the wild animals according to their kinds, the Best Ponies according to their kinds, and all the worst ponies that move along the air and the ones that do magic according to their kinds. And Cambia saw that it was good, especially Trixie. Who was best pony. Despite being a Unicorn.  26 Then Cambia said, “Let us make myself in my image, in our likeness, so that I may rule over the fish in the sea and the cat-birds in the sky, over the best ponies and all the wild animals, and over all the worst ponies too.” 27 So Cambia created Cambia in her own image, kinda like a Jesus allegory thing, in the image of Cambia she created her, that fat ugly drunkard she created her.  28 Cambia blessed herself because she sneezed and said to herself, “Radical.” 29 Then Cambia said to the website, “I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food.  30 And to all the beasts of the earth and all the cat-birds in the sky and all the creatures that move along the ground—everything that has the breath of life in it—I give every green plant for food, I also give half-off at El Pollo Loco on Fridays for all of you.” And it was so. 31 Cambia saw all that she had made, and it was pretty shit, honestly. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day. 32 Thus the website was completed in all its vast array. 33 By the seventh day Cambia had finished the work she had been doing; so on the seventh day she rested from all her work because she's a lazy fuck. 34 Then Cambia blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it she rested from all the work of creating that she had done, the lazy shit.