Wyatt's Confessions & Admissions: Terror

"I've been called a lot during my life. Butcher, Legend, freak, heartless, cold, unkillable. Done a lot too. Been only one thing. When I first came to Equestria, it was... It was something I had no idea could exist. It was like a dream. A fairytale. There was no war. No hatred. It has it's problems of course, but... It's so much more peaceful than my world. Equestria holds a freedom I'd never known. Like the cards of life laid bare before me. It didn't need soldiers. The type of soldier I was. It had no use for a monster like me. War was everything I was. War was all I had. The thing I knew would always drive me onward. My spite and hate meant nothing here. The few friends I did have were dead or would be better off without me in their lives. Here there was peace. The finality. The causes I fought for meant nothing here. My entire being rendered null and void. It scared me. For one of the few times in my life, I was absolutely terrified. I didn't know what to do. I was a killer, a murderer. To Equestria, that's what I was. Don't you fucking get it?!" Wyatt takes a deep breath, but it's... Shaky. "I was... I felt unwelcome. The feeling that everything you are, everything you've ever been, is unwanted. Is unneeded. I've... God, I'd never felt so frightened. Happiness, peace... Love. It was everywhere. I felt it, could smell it, could hear it in the voices of those I could hear. I couldn't escape it. You don't know what that's like. You can't know. When I first came here, I was in hospital... Twilight's spell shot me into Equestria and I went sprawling through a few brick walls. I lay there, not knowing what to do. Unable to move. Only think. I had no idea what to expect from this world at all. The world... It was no longer on fire. All I ever saw was a world in flames. What I held was a lighter beside an oil rig, ready to douse the fire with a bigger one. This world didn't need that. It's telling, isn't it? That a world of such purity scared me. I'd never had a normal life by any definition. Normal wasn't me. Happiness wasn't for me. It was something I've fought for others to have my entire life. Something I'd resigned myself to never attain. Not truly. But here was life itself in front of me, awaiting me. A normal life. A chance. And that chance felt like the deadliest and scariest thing I've ever tackled. Then I met them." There's another pause. "The girls. The Mane 6. They were like bright lights in my world of grey. They told me about Equestria and I managed to get lost in conversation so that I forgot my terror. I felt safe around them for some reason. I found a fascination in Pinkie. Her innocence. Her... Cheery nature. I realised she embodied everything that I was scared of. Yet I wasn't scared of hr at all. In fact, she felt comforting. It confused me to no end... Twilight let me stay with her for the time being, which I was grateful for. I felt unworthy of the friendship they so freely gave me. They didn't know who I was. What I'd done. Eventually, I decided I'd just tell them... And let them judge me for who I really was. What I really was. A monster. Hatred. I told them everything, gave them my journal... What really scared me was that it could taint them. When it was all over... They hugged me. The first hug that I've felt that wasn't familial, but... Out of sympathy. Out of comfort. I... Couldn't reciprocate. I was in shock. They understood that I was made to do what I did. I had no say in what I was in that world. But here... Here, I was free. It was my choice now." Wyatt lights up a cigar, his hand shaking. "But I didn't know what to do. I wasn't a civvie. That wasn't my life... Couldn't be my life. It felt wrong. Like wearing someone else's skin. Eventually, I heard about the Equestria Games. They needed an Ice Archer, and I was good with a bow. And I owed Ponyville. Dash was ecstatic that I'd be helping Ponyville win some medals if I passed the trials. I quickly got the hang of the Ice Bow. Come the qualifiers, I was the fastest shot there just about. Cloudsdale's own archer was about a second behind me. When the Games came around, I came away with gold. As the medals were handed out, or hoofed out... I caught the eye of a mare in the crowd. An amythest eye... When Spike saved the Games, I met the mare in question. Princess Celestia herself..."