Wyatt's War Journal: Confessions

*From the carriage ride that Trixie, Zaten and Hymn were apart of. The large Journal is leather wrapped, and old. Very old it seems. As old as Wyatt himself. On the front cover there are multiple addresses crossed out. The final one is printed: IF FOUND RETURN TO CMDR. WYATT C. RYDER, MILITAIRES SANS FRONTIERES OUTPOST, COLUMBIA* The first page has a some kind of... Vow written down. Scribbled out is something saying he has no one to dedicate the book to. 'A Vow unto my own, that never from this day, my will they'll take away' The last few pages are under the title: CONFESSIONS: TO BE READ AFTER MY DEATH 'I... I'm... Where can I start? What can I say? What can I really say? That I'm sorry, that I... That I tried to be good? No. No none of those things. Because they're not true. I know what I am. I'm a fucking monster. A killer. A war monger. I AM War. I started out like any other kid. I had a family. Then they were taken from me, and so was my childhood. I was made into a killer, to fight the greatest threat my world was ever seen. They took that child and killed him, and stuffed me inside his body. He became hatred incarnate. He became me. Because I knew nothing else. Forgiveness, mercy. These things held no meaning. I had nothing else. I needed nothing else. Just the endless death and killing. I had no other life, knew no other way. I somewhat improved myself with help, and eventually saved the world from the very threat I helped create... Which isn't saying much. Undoing the mess I created in the first place. But I was always a soldier. It was what I was meant to be. So many times I 'died', yet death wouldn't take me. Hell spat me back out. Then, at the end, when I finally died, I ended up in Equestria. The land of peace. Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Friendship, although she wasn't at the time, welcomed me to her world along with her friends. She showed me a kindness that I didn't think was possible. She was my first true civvie friend. Someone outside the life I lived. She taught me how to live. How to have a life beyond war and hatred. I owed- owe her everything. It meant the world to me. She did. I loved Twilight for what she did for me. Not the kind of romantic love, but something just as close. Was there something there? Maybe. But I would never take advantage of her hospitality. And I'm glad I didn't, because she ended up with the perfect partner, who I could never replace. Someone worthy of her love and affection. Besides, it's because of her I met the love of my life, Princess Celestia. Cut to years later... She was happy, and had a marefriend so I was told, and I was so glad she found happiness in another. She had truly earned it. My duties kept me away longer than I would have liked. And then... She was killed. Assassinated. Many blamed Trixie for Twilight death. Nothing is further from the truth. Trixie loved Twilight and Twilight loved Trixie. There was no one else as worthy of Twilight's love and nor would there ever be. And both mares deserved so much more than what they got. They deserved their happiness. Their happily ever after. It was all my fault that they never. If there's anyone to be blamed for the death of Princess Twilight Sparkle... It's me. It was my job to protect the Princesses, my duty to protect Twilight, and I... I could have saved her. I should have saved her. It should have been me who was killed. I deserved it, I was the one death should have caught up to. She had so much ahead of her, while I left only ashes in my wake. She was... Friendship. A pure soul who saw the good in everything. While I'm a killer. I've done things that have surely earned me a place in the deepest pit of hell. She was an Angel, and I a Demon. I didn't deserve her kindness, her friendship, her forgiveness or her time. What am I trying to say here? Other than it's my fault? I guess I'm saying I wasn't and will never be worthy of Equestria nor it's denizens. I'm a threat to the peace of this world, and that... That is possibly the most dangerous thing I could be. I am the Demon Equestria needs. The Demon Trixie needs. Let them fear me and demonise me for who I was and what I did. I deserve nothing less, and Trix finally deserves some peace.