Dear Princess Celestia..(Pank reflects)

"Well, I am not sure how to even go about addressing this. Do I even have to justify myself? Is the purpose of my letter just to try and explain what has been going on? Though I have not been much for writing or academics, perhaps I will feel some ease putting my feelings to paper." "From a young age, I always assumed that once you were married, that was it. Concepts such as divorce were genuinely foreign to me before I moved to Ponyville, those years ago. My parents were always..together. They met when they were young, got married after a short courtship, and I happened soon after. I always aspired to be like my mother, though she was usually quite cross with me. I would see the way she looked at my father, when he would have free time from his work. Although her face always was a frown towards me, I could see the genuine love she shared with my father. I always thought, that was what I wanted. Someone there with me. Loving me, spending any free time they had with me. Oh, the parties they would throw as well, just to invite outsiders to come and look into our perfect lives. I have always wanted that. Perhaps that is why I felt drawn to the limelight, yes?" "The first stallion to truly look my way, was the same one who offered his name to me, in marriage. His eyes were the same colour and depth as a pair of perfectly polished emeralds. He was in bad need of a haircut, although I did like how it looked in the rain.He sang to me when we were alone, the loveliest songs and poetry. When I went to his concerts, he would sing right to me from the stage. At the time I was 18, so young looking back! We spent a year together, we planned a future. We were so young..and silly, in hindsight. I suppose your first love is always significant, exciting. I cannot think of where we went wrong, in terms of a point. I would suppose, we were never quite the same when I..lost our first child. And then our second. Maybe I was too needy then. I will never know why he left me. I was too much, I think. I consumed him, emotionally. Sometimes I see him in public, but we never get a chance to talk. I think it is perhaps better off this way." "The second stallion is..well. I think he does not need an introduction. His skin, it is as cold as ice itself. He is..eccentric, one could say. His hair is the colour of freshly fallen snow, but pricks you like an icicle at the ends. Most know him for his..occupation. But I think many also know him for being associated with me. I must admit. From my first interactions with that bizarre, brilliant scientist..I thought he was the one. I cannot quite explain it. I know he yelled, and could be quite cross. However..when I could coax his goggles off, he had such a way of looking at me. He has walked in my dreams, waking and sleeping for years. When we kissed, it was like an Arctic wind from the north blew through my entire being! I loved him. I happily gave that stallion two or so years of my life, and I thought we could just be..happy. Now I realize..one cannot simply FORCE happiness. It has to come from a place of genuineness.." "I loved him. I truly, and honestly did. I would of laid down my very life for him, to ensure he achieved his goals! When I took his hoof in marriage, I thought truly that this was it. So many lovely ponies supported me, and us! It warms my heart, and I am sure it did for him as well. However..he is set to live..well..forever. Long beyond when I will be gone. His work is..crucial to him. I never get to see him anymore. I know I smile through a lot, but..sometimes it truly does hurt when he insults me, after our absences. Perhaps I cannot force someone to change. I have learned ponies are their own ponies. I support him, with his future, and where his studies and inventions will take him. Though we were not legally joined together, I enjoyed my time as his wife. I do not regret it." "This leads me to well..current! I write this, feeling quite..giddy, I must say. I write this in hopeful, optimism towards MY own future. Though, I absolutely am thrilled and ready to offer my whole likeness and life to the public for their entertainment..I must look out for my own happiness as well. You see..I realized one day, I could not go on like this anymore. I cannot keep spending my nights alone, without anyone to hold me. I cannot spend another night crying myself to sleep, only to live off of wine to make sure I smile properly. My work was becoming affected, I realized entertaining hollow imitations of happiness was just not healthy. I decided, I need to look after PinkBow, for awhile." "I did not go looking for him, I promise. I was not venturing in the dark woods, alone at night. He had caught my eye previously, though I admit I brushed it off back then. His stature is tall, bold, strong. When he enters a room, he has such a commanding, cool presence. When he looks to me, I feel my heart race. My face gets warm. Warm.." "Warm is the feeling when he holds me, or gives my nose kisses. After years of living in the cold, I did not realize how much I enjoyed..warm. For the first time in so long, I am happy. I cannot stop smiling! Help me, Celestia. I feel like such a teenager! His hair is..quite nice as well." "All things considered..I have hope. I know there will be confusion. I know that I will be asked questions, I already have. However..I signed up for such when I stepped into this lifestyle. I can only hope everyone sees how happy I have been, and perhaps they may also be happy for me. One can hope." "Goodness, this got quite lengthy. I did not mean for it to end up this way. Ah, well. I have no intentions on sending this letter anyways! I will have to shred it, before the tabloids get their hooves on it."