Why Your Life Sucks and Why You are Doing a Terrible Job at Fixing It

During this post I will touch on subjects such as depression, anxiety, and suicide. If you believe you'll be unable to control yourself when I'm talking about this sort of shit you need to get the fuck out of here immediately. I also have a candid sense of humour, so take that as you will. Welcome all to Canterlot Avenue. I hold honesty in very high regard, over almost everything else in my life. In this post I'm going to be very honest. Since we're being honest, we all can admit that we don't have our lives together. We're choosing to spend our time on a dinky little social site designed to allow us to pretend we're pastel coloured children's TV show characters - and has no limitations on how we can express ourselves (especially in private.) I think the reality is quite clear. We're all coming from different walks of life. Some of us are still in our teenage years who somehow managed to latch onto the Brony fandom after its prime. Some of us are leftover from that prime, and have stuck with it (maybe on and off) for all these years for whatever reason you can manage to legitimize your stupid pony fascination. Some of us left the fandom and just sort of drift around in ponydom every once in a while to bring back favoured memories of silly stupid stuff we've done in the past. I believe that the overwhelming majority of us latch onto the Brony fandom as a method of belonging. Feeling like there's a group of people here with a common trait that we can all use as common ground to start relationships with each other. To mingle, to talk, to socialize, and do whatever degenerate shit you guys do in your private discord channels. Lets be honest once more, and admit to ourselves that by participating in this kind of fringe community that we are just that - fringe. We're on one side of the bell curve. Maybe some of us where particularly lonely through our teenage years, had trouble making friends and socializing in the hellscape battlefield that is secondary and post-secondary education. Introverts, anti-socialites, oddballs, call yourself whatever you want. There were many times where our lives were particularly shit. This I believe is the most popular reason why many of us latched on to the idea of My Little Pony, and stayed far overdue the welcome that should really be reasonable for a cartoon aimed at a 6-10 year old female target audience. So here we've gone, having MLP has a very significant part of our lives during our adolescent and young-adult life periods. It's done us some favours, and it has also not done us some favours. Anyone who wore MLP merch in public non-brony environments are more in that latter category. Good job dipshit. Many of us are adults, or soon to be adults. We've learned how to live and we've struck out on our own to go do what is expected. Make a living, then start living it. Unsurprisingly, many of us are failing or - rather have a perception of failure. And here we get to the meat of what I want to talk about here. It's not hard when you're perusing this site during your daily routine to see calls for help. Calls of depression, of loneliness, of confusion or some other emotion where that person is experiencing some sort of suffering. Sometimes it's very small - anxiety over a particular event in their lives. Or it's a small window into a larger problem that they are experiencing. Suicidal idealization seeking to be validated through a small joke featuring self deprecating humour. The words we pick are many times based simply on instinct. You say what you feel, and you say the words before you can really think about what you're saying (or typing.) but in reality those words hold a very significant meaning beyond what you're trying to convey. Many an english major has said, that words are more than communication, they are a method of expression. Your brain uses your words to speak what it wants to say. For someone who's depressed, or suffering - it wants to say help me. We see it every day on CA. Our pleasant (ish) little pony roleplaying community of shitbags. You may be able to pick out examples, maybe you can't. I don't blame you if you can't. If you're not looking then it's easy for those calls for help to go completely forgotten. Reading this sort of subtext accurately is impossible. Hell, like I said before even noticing it is impossible sometimes. There's no such thing as a machine that you can hook your fingers up to that will be able to tell what kind of hidden meaning you're leaving in your speech. That's just how it works. Those of you who have been involved in the mental health system know that many of the times that you see Psychologists, Psychiatrists, or social workers you don't have enough time or the right words to express what you really feel. You want a solution, you want the best solution. And you only have 45 minutes to give part of it until your time's up and you need to wait for another two weeks before you can continue what you were talking about before. If we could magically read what your brain is truly feeling, then there would be significantly less corpses in the ground right now. Lets move a little bit further into this. We feel suffering because of adversity. We face adversity because it is the nature of.. well nature. Life is suffering. Suffering is universal, all people feel it. They certainly feel it to different degrees. Many of us will never be able to empathize on any significant level with a rural African man who got his junk cut off by Boko Haram for whatever monstrous reason they could legitimize in their head. But it is still suffering. So we feel suffering because of adversity. Adversity gives us suffering because we fail, or we have a perception of failure. If a girl goes up to a guy and asks him if he likes her and he says no. She failed, at least in her mind, to be good enough for that guy to like her. (kudos on her being honest and upfront about the issue though.). She will suffer because of his response. You can replace this situation with basically anything. You going out and shopping for a car, and seeing that all the lease rates have been doubled since last year. I'm not going to waste time and energy writing out a bunch of examples just to reinforce the point. This consistent suffering is why many start forming generalizations about themselves or their lives. Who here has not told themselves that they are garbage, and won't be able to accomplish something simply because they are themselves? I know I have. I had a complete mental breakdown once where I repeated nothing but "I am utter garbage" hundreds of times over the course of an hour while slamming whatever part of my body wasn't sore into whatever nearby me wasn't broken. Thats why your life sucks. Its because you apply the various sufferings in your life to a root cause that you can identify easily - yourself. You hate yourself for being the root of these issues. You lose self esteem because you feel as though you're not able to reach up to accomplish anything because of your self hatred. Which means you fail. And the cycle begins again. You get my drift. This is the core to what I believe is the majority of sadness, depression, and whathaveyou. It's the lack of self esteem rooted in past failure that clouds one's ability to apply themselves logically. And it is very hard to get yourself out of it. Mind my wording there. It's deliberate. I said, 'get yourself out of it'. That's on purpose. Nobody else can help you. They do not control the little ball of flesh inside the ball of flesh. The only person who has control over that is you, and you alone. I'm going to digress on a point that I would like to make on this subject. I really despise the use of the phrase, "they made me feel x" or "that made me feel x". The problem is that the very concept of the meaning of that statement is always false. Nobody is holding a gun to your head and telling you to feel a certain way. And before you jump me on this, no I am not including cerebral disease and disorder. If you have a behavioural disorder that's been correctly diagnosed you already know that you are a special case. However if your disorder is being properly treated your symptoms are minimized by proper behavioural regulation techniques or through the application of medicine. You just have to take a couple of extra steps to get on the same footing as an average person who does not have a similar disorder. You are in final control of what you say, what you think, and what you feel. Nobody else can influence this. They can take actions that would typically result in a certain type of behaviour or emotion, but in the end you decide whether you want to feel this or not. Lets take fear as an example. Fear is the manifestation of the primal 'fight or flight' instinct. It is the anticipation of having to make that decision in the near future. Rejecting the choice of flight and choosing to fight is called courage. One shows courage when they choose to meet a challenge head on regardless of fear. Courage then can be applied to any other situation where one's facing adversity and they must respond to the emotions that the situation is wanting to cause. If a person is attacking you verbally with the intention to cause you emotional harm - you show courage by not allowing them to harm you and simply regarding what they are saying as not applicable. People who have a high degree of emotional intelligence are able to make these choices easier than someone who has a low degree of emotional intelligence. So now we know that emotions are only felt if we allow them to be felt, we decide what emotions to feel based on our emotional intelligence, and suffering impairs your ability to be emotionally intelligent. So someone who is suffering a great deal and is not prepared to help themselves start reaching out for help from others. But, didn't I just say the only one that can help someone is themselves? Great. Now every depressed person is guaranteed to kill themselves. Yes, I did say that. However, obviously not every depressed person is guaranteed to kill themselves. Thankfully there's well established methods within Psychology and Psychiatry that give medical staff the ability to address many different tiers of what we call Crisis. Crisis is a term that basically defines when someone's experiencing symptoms of a mental health breakdown. A crisis situation is then triaged by medical professionals to determine what kind of care needs to be given to protect the wellbeing of the person in question. A crisis doesn't exist only past the point where the individual would be a risk to the health and wellbeing of themselves or others, but also extends before that where they are first feeling the symptoms but are not currently at risk. At the lowest tier of crisis triage, we have people who are not at risk of immediate break down (usually defined as >6 months, but can get as short as 4 weeks) but are still experiencing crisis. During this tier they will recommend that the person in question as well as their family (if they're living at home) or their spouse join them in therapy where they'll be given the tools to solve the issue themselves. The core of these sessions will always be establishing and defining a core group of support. And what I mean by that is a group of people who are concerned for the wellbeing of the person in question, and will be willing and able to jump in and help them out when it's necessary. For example, the person in question feels stressed about keeping the house clean. A person who is a member of the support group would take time to help them keep the house clean. If the person in question feels stressed about finances, or the such. Someone in the support group would help them do their finances. This system works best when everything is clearly defined, the people in the support group can be easily reached and are willing to step in when it's necessary. Why is this so effective at helping people who are in the early stages of crisis? Well it's because it's what humans have done throughout history - helped each other. Stepped in and gave each other a hand when things got tough, and made sure to check up on one another to make sure that everything's good. We are social, tribe based animals. We need to have a tribe because we cannot look after absolutely everything ourselves. Especially in a society of the current social complexity as ours who is hyperconnected to the happenings of events outside their tribe. You can't follow your local politics, work your job, support your family, and keep yourself happy all at the same time without going insane and developing an alcohol addiction to help cope with the stress of keeping up with everything. So we leave it to the support group to help alleviate parts of what need to get done. You call your friend over one weekend so the both of you can repair the sink in your home. You call over your sister to help repair the holes in your kids clothes. You call your mother because you've worked late too much and your children haven't had a good home cooked meal in a couple weeks. For a lot of families, this goes without saying. Everyone's already in the groove of it, and is able to call upon each other without making significant hurtles internally to justify borrowing someone elses time to make your life easier. But wouldn't it make your life easier? Wouldn't you like to be able to then give some of your time to your dad, your sister, your mother? I mean, you already did that every single day when you lived at home when you were a kid? Why does it have to change now that you're an adult? A lot of people now believe that when they move out of their parent's home, that it is a rubicon and you'll only then see your parents or siblings at family gatherings or holidays. This should not be true. When someone moves out, their support group gets a little harder to reach, but it does not disappear entirely. For me, I believe everyone is in a state of crisis at all times. Everyone needs their support group to keep going. Nobody is able to operate truly alone without suffering consequences. When you try to accomplish something alone, all you do is you hurt yourself. You make yourself suffer. When you try to accomplish things alone, then your life starts to suck. Why? Because you start failing. You are doing a terrible job at fixing your life, because you are not allowing other people to help you so that you can concentrate on fixing your life. You're allowing yourself to get caught up in things that are much better done in a group, and it's taking a toll on you. Anyone who's old enough knows that you always have less energy than you need to get through the day. So why not do something together? Keep in mind too, that this doesn't apply exclusively to family. Some people don't have immediate family available to them, or their immediate family is full of druggies, morons, and imbiciles. That's fine. Find your friends. Friends are the family that you chose, not the ones that are given to you. The bond of family is just friendship that you were born with. If your family is toxic, cut ties and find a new family. This has been a discussion on why your life sucks, and why you're doing a terrible job at fixing it. TLDR: Shut the fuck up and ask for help when you need it. PS: If any of you feel the need to PM me about your problems, stop. I'm not a resource for you. As much as I'd like to spend my entire day helping you out of your depression and sharing my hard earned wisdom on the subject, I don't have the time for your shit. Now here's a special note for those of you who might be a little bit further along on the Crisis Triage Checklist: Depression and suicide is very complex, and very hard to deal with. When you are suicidal when you cross a line you can never go back. It will stay with you, and it will haunt you even after you've recovered. The longer you entertain the idea of suicide in your head, the more comfortable you'll get with it. The more comfortable you are with it, the more dangerous it becomes. It is a slippery slope, and innocent thoughts of "How would people react if I died" can quickly turn south before you even realize. If you believe I am talking to you, here's a tip. Think about two things: 1. How much have my suicidal fantasies changed in the last two months? 2. How good is my support group? When you have a good support group, you can lean on them a lot to help you through recovering. If your suicidal fantasies are getting noticably worse over the course of a month or two, you need to reach out to professional support as soon as possible. They will be able to properly diagnose your situation and determine what kind of care you need. While you're waiting to get this care, lean on your support group to help you. Ask them to be honest with you, and in turn you need to be honest with them. Talk about what problems your having, and find out the best way to cope with them while you're still on the wait list. If you do not have a good support group, then you still do have options. You can either begin cultivating a support group for yourself, or find a local peer support group through the mental health association of whatever country you live in. I have mixed experiences with peer support groups, but for the most part they do more good than harm. If you feel you need immediate support for suicide, please use your country/state/provincial suicide hotlines. They are very useful tools to help you start your road to recovery. It's tough to call them the first time, but it's not going to be as bad as you think. United States National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 (TALK) Veterans press 1 to reach specialised support. (The older number, 1-800-SUICIDE, is no longer published by the lifeline agency and will probably stop working in the near future.) Online Chat: http://chat.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx Crisis Text Line: Text "START" to 741-741 Youth-Specific services (voice/text/chat/email) from the Boys' Town National Hotline: http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/Pages/ways-to-get-help.aspx Spanish: 1-800-SUICIDA EU Standard Emotional Support Number 116 123 - Free and available in much of Europe, details here Australia 13 11 14 https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/Online-Services/crisis-chat Austria 142, Youth 147 Online: http://www.onlineberatung-telefonseelsorge.at Belgium Dutch: 1813 https://www.zelfmoord1813.be/ French: 0800 32 123 http://www.preventionsuicide.be/fr/lesuicide.html Brasil 141 changing to 188 effective 30 June, 2018 Chat, Skype and Email also available at: https://www.cvv.org.br/ Canada Canada-wide adult hotlines list Alternatively, 211 works in most of Canada, and they can advise regarding local resources. Nationwide Kids Help Phone (Up to age 18): 1-800-668-6868 or text HOME to 686868 Deutschland http://www.telefonseelsorge.de/ Tel: 0800-1110111 oder 0800-1110222 Chat: https://chat.telefonseelsorge.org/index.php Denmark 70 20 12 01 www.livslinien.dk www.Skrivdet.dk Fiji Lifeline Fiji: 132454 Finland Suomen Mielenterveysseura: 010 195 202 9:00 to 7:00 weekdays, 15:00 to 7:00 weekends and holidays France 01 45 39 40 00 Suicide Écoute - http://www.suicide-ecoute.fr/ Greece 1018 or 801 801 99 99 Greece - http://www.suicide-help.gr/ Iceland 1717 India 91-44-2464005 0 022-27546669 Iran 1480 6am to 9pm everyday Ireland ROI - local rate: 1850 60 90 90 ROI - minicom: 1850 60 90 91 Israel 1201 Italia 800 86 00 22 Malta 179 Japan Tokyo - Japanese: 3 5286 9090 befrienders-jap.org Tokyo - English: 03-5774-0992 telljp.com Osaka - Japanese: 06-6260-4343 spc-osaka.org The above sites maintain links to related resources in other cities and other formats like chat and text. Korea LifeLine 1588-9191 Suicide Prevention Hotline 1577-0199 http://www.lifeline.or.kr/ Mexico (55) 5259-8121 (Daily, 0900-2100h) saptel.org.mx Netherlands 0900 0113 https://www.113.nl New Zealand 0800 543 354 Outside Auckland 09 5222 999 Inside Auckland Norway Kirkens SOS offers phone support and chat: 22 40 00 40 and http://www.kirkens-sos.no/ Directory of additional resources here: https://www.psykiskhelse.no/hjelpetelefoner-og-nettsteder Osterreich/Austria 116 123 Portugal SOS VOZ AMIGA: 21 354 45 45 or 91 280 26 69 or 96 352 46 60 (Daily, 1600-2400h) http://www.sosvozamiga.org/ Telefone da Amizade: 22 832 35 35 or 808 22 33 53 (Daily, 1600-2300h) http://www.telefone-amizade.pt/ Romania 0800 801 200 Serbia 0800 300 303 or 021 6623 393 Online chat:http://www.centarsrce.org/index.php/kontakt[2] South Africa LifeLine 0861 322 322 Suicide Crisis Line 0800 567 567 Spain http://www.telefonodelaesperanza.org/ Suomi/Finland 010 195 202 available 9am-7am weekdays and 3pm-7am weekends 112, the regular emergency line, may be used at other times Sverige/Sweden 020 22 00 60 Switzerland 143 UK Samaritans (www.samaritans.org) Voice: 116 123 (24/7 Free to call, will not appear on phone bills, formerly 08457 90 90 90) Text: 07725909090 Email: emailjo@samaritans.org Helplines for Men from thecalmzone.net: Voice: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm to midnight nationwide, also 0808 802 58 58 London and 0800 58 58 58 Merseyside) Text 07537 404717 (5pm to midnight, start your text with CALM2) Online Chat: https://www.thecalmzone.net/help/get-help/ ChildLine (childline.org.uk), for those 19 and under: Voice: 0800-11-11 (Free to call, does not appear on phone bills) Online Chat: http://www.childline.org.uk/Talk/Chat/Pages/OnlineChat.aspx Email: http://www.childline.org.uk/Talk/Pages/Email.aspx Directory of suicide-related services: http://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/suicide.php Uruguay Landlines 0800 84 83 (7pm to 11 pm) (FREE) 2400 84 83 (24/7) Cell phone lines 095 738 483 *8483 OK that's enough typing for me today. Go roleplay as ponies or some shit.