Star Hope

Female. Lives in Ponyville, Equestria. Born on May 25, 2000

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Unicorn

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Star Hope

9 hours ago

So a couple years ago, I made a health update talking about my back pain that I'd been dealing with for, at the time, six years. Now, I'm still dealing with it, but I did get an answer for what was wr... View MoreSo a couple years ago, I made a health update talking about my back pain that I'd been dealing with for, at the time, six years. Now, I'm still dealing with it, but I did get an answer for what was wrong with my back I believe last year. Time has been hard to keep track of lately. I need to talk about this at least somewhat because I've been unable to actually talk with hardly anyone about even a fraction of the issues I've been working to overcome. So as of some time two years ago, I was going through a lot of stress and wound up catching acute bronchitis. Not only was it one of the worst bouts of sickness that I went through for weeks at the time, but it also completely took me out of my job as my back pain developed far enough to make my legs start giving out on me in certain situations. The constant coughing triggered my back pain and brought me to my knees so often that I had major bruises on my knees for so long. Not long after that, we finally got me to a place that could get me some answers, and finally, after several years of nothing, I at least got one answer regarding my lower back pain, though not my upper back pain. I suffer from Lumbar Spondylosis, or to put into simple terms, lower back arthritis. Now, according to my physical therapist, there's a small fracture in my lower back. Fun stuff. But also according to him, it should be something I can still work on. Unfortunately, I cannot as I've been brought to my knees by the most mundane things in my life. Coughing, sneezing, standing up after having sat down for a short or extended period of time, and stepping up stairs. I've been so unlucky as to take a rusty nail into my knee when going up the stairs, and no, not the sharp end. Now, this all doesn't account for my upper back pain, which is an entirely other beast that I still don't have an exact answer for. The only knowledge I have regarding it is that it is hereditary. It makes it difficult to breath when I'm working or standing over something, makes it really hard to breath when I lay down for the first 15 minutes, and causes an immense burning sensation while still being hard to breath when I try to push through it...that doesn't go away for about half an hour to an hour. Then there's what I affectionately refer to as the 'Feedback Loop' where one of my back pains, usually my upper, will start up and trigger my lower back pain, only for that to make my upper back pain act up even further in an endless loop of pain. Simply put, I have lost the ability to do a lot of what I used to and it's taking quite the toll on me. Music, Writing, Games, Cards, even walking, I've barely been able to do at all. If that wasn't bad enough, I've got a family that barely takes my issues seriously and even questions it even though I've had several moments where my body gives out on me. I'm walking with a cane at 26 years old and my whole life has been me living on survival mode and trying to catch up to basic knowledge most people already know. I'm lucky to catch on quickly to a lot of things, but I still get extremely overwhelmed in situations I'm not familiar with as fighting pain and fear have been the only focuses in my life. I feel like I should make some cry for help, but I'm always so afraid of actually getting help. This is more of a venting for me as I have gotten to a point in my life where I can't trust anyone around me, not out of fear for my wellbeing mind you, but because I've been let down at every left and right. I'm only able to trust myself to get things done for me, but I can't even do that as my body wants to constantly give out on me. To put simply, I'm angry, I'm tired, and I'm needing some kind if outlet to vent to because I've only been able to talk to myself about my own issues for years on end, save for the very few who already know about my issues here. Once again, no Star plushie in the update as it just won't fit here.

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