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#rp
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(( https://youtu.be/AOkuud-rafQ ))
It was one hell of a hot day. He could have taken a swim then, but an old and life-long habit caused him to suffer through the greatest heat of the day until the sun began to set. It was then that he finally went for it. Evening dips were always more magical to him anyway. And what better place for such an occasion than a spring in the deepest heart of a magical forest? He had heard tales and legends that it was a place of healing and rejuvenation, a place that is said to ease the ailments of those who could not be healed in any normal means. Hawk never believed that his affliction, one so deep that it even corrupts a pony into something terrible, could ever be cured by any means within the mortal plane. It didn't stop him from coming here anyway, the magic here was enchanting, calming even..almost as if it was blessed by something far greater than any pony could dare imagine. Something about this place seemed to draw him to it, even despite all the years of him avoiding such a place out of pure skepticism and little understanding still of all the magics that were beheld in the world he now lived in.
The sound of the trickling water soothed his ears, erased his attention to the thoughts of his mind that returned him to all that which caused pain. Alone he floated in the water on his back, staring up at the sky to watch the stars begin to wake, some in groups and others by themselves, but all soon shone like a beacon of hope for him.
"I don't know if you're out there, still watching over me." he said to himself, though as if he was talking to somepony else. "I know I'm a failure..I was born one, and one day I'll take my last breath as one..I know I've done terrible things, still do to this day when I forget my ways.." he continued, confessing himself to the starry night sky, though seemingly to fall on deaf ears in the midst of the forest. Even his eyepatch he always wore was removed, set aside along with his saddlebags on the bank not too far away. One eye was a hazel-blue, reflecting the speckles of the dark blue above, while his right eye was almost abnormal, the whites mostly no longer white and the iris a discolored dirty amber hue, though he could see just fine out of both. "Am I blind?" he asked, "Have I truly become lost?" silence only broken by the sounds of nature around him, and the waters as he turned over to dive in for a dunk, before coming back up to the surface. Throwing his head back to get his now wet mane out of his face, he waded through the pond as he continued.
"Or have I not been looking for the right things?" he pondered aloud more. He snorted at the frustration of such thoughts, "All my life I thought I wanted a simple life, something to leave behind for the next generation..but instead all I got was the...'privilege'" he said, the last part with a heavy mound of sarcasm. "of watching everything I ever knew and loved die." He wanted to laugh at the situation, but his life caused him to turn into a stallion who forgot how to laugh, it would seem. The only thing he could manage to muster was bitterness and resentment, he hated these feelings, but he would rather this than to deny his true self. He never liked lying, especially to himself, even if it caused nothing but torment. "Was it too much to ask for? I? The weakest and most inferior of my kind? How is it that I cannot find the peace I so desperately need? I can't do this anymore on my own..I've thrown in the towel so many times now..but I can't escape it."
Again he looked up while he waded while floating once again on his back. The moonlight shining through the trees from an angle gave a much more mystical feel to the area around him, rays of moonlight casting down onto him with smaller flickers of light all floating in the air, twinkling like they themselves were little stars of their own. "I don't know how to.." he said, "I-I mean I do...know *what* I must do. But not *how*..Would I even know a sign if it showed itself to me? Or would it be nothing more than a snake in the grass to me, there but hidden to mine blind eyes?"
