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Cally Ber
by on December 22, 2020
"A shooting at 3423 BonBon View, Rosetta Apartments. Several shots were heard and several people yelling at each other. Caller stating a pony was shot. Unknow weapons. Unknown Suspect."
The mare dispatcher stated over the radio air before asking for elements. The day has been filled with a few murders, a couple robberies, and major crashes which made all elements unavailable. Cally could feel that breath suddenly crawling up her legs and back into her body as she pulled into a small closed tire shop, waiting for someone to speak up to take the call. The dispatcher came back over the radio,
"A female body is seen to be laying in the grass between buildings 3 and 4 after several more shots. A male could be heard screaming for help and saying somepony was shot. Another caller reporting someone was shot in a car and no longer moving. Open line emergency; a female could be heard saying they are doing CPR. No elements available."
The Ranger used her hooves on the touch screen of the MDC, pressing the shooting call information for the location. The address was about 5 minutes even with running with emergency lights and sirens. The dispatcher returned over the air,
"Another caller reporting a male is laying in the breezeway of building 3 and bullet casings are everywhere. Are there any elements available to clear from their calls? All elements on priority calls. Communications Sergeant notified. No field Sergeants available."
She grabbed her phone and called her overtime Sergeant,
"Sergeant, I'm gonna be late. I have a call on my channel that has 3 ponies down. There's no one available. I'll give you a call after it's somewhat cleared up at least to see if I can still make it."
A lighthearted, but gruff voice of an old-time stallion replied,
"Got ya. Once there's a handle on things, give me a call and try to get out of there so you can get over here."
Cally hung up the phone and immediately picked up her radio microphone, pressing the black input and speaking,
"C933, put me on it. I'm on the way."
Her MDC received the update from the dispatcher and placed her en route to the call location, but before she could read the comments the dispatcher returned over the air,
"C933 received and en route. Another caller has reported she sees a female attempting CPR on a pony in the grass and several others around her. No suspect information at this time."
The Charger was already running 50 MPH (80 KMH), the engine loudly in a constant revving sound as it flew down the service road of the highway she was about to enter. The pedal only stopped by the floorboard of the driver's side. The dispatcher returned with an update,
"Another caller demanding to know where the police are. Open line yelling towards the call center. Female no longer able to continue CPR. Caller hung up."
The road became a gray blur as street lights became a white line overhead, blue and red lighting up all sides and incoming buildings while her car moved to 90 MPH (144 KMH) down a residential area. Voices began to come over air one at a time,
"A724, add me. I'm clear."
"A755, I'm en route."
"C956, I'm a ways off but add me."
"Elements, just clear and I will add you. Keep the radio clear. Another caller reporting the address, but could not be understood or answer questions before hanging up. Ponyville Fire Rescue staged at BonBon View and Elken Drive."
Topics: lore, demo, sample, draft
Cally Ber
I need critism. This is the way I'm going with so far, more story than detail. Should I add more detail or is this okay for more story driven? It's pretty long and I'm not sure.
Zerathur A. Naszberuk
To write stories is a wonderful thing, and each writer has a different style, even if it is an amalgamation of other styles. This one here is rather nice, I tell you, the elements are clear and easily understood in the first pass. Adding more detail might make it look more 'professional' to certain ...View More
Cally Ber
Thanks Zerathur. That's what I'm worried about. It's a pretty long story and I wanna pull them in for those that read. I feel like if I add more detail it may get too long or boring for readers, but too little will make it look bad and simple without pull. However, I didn't think about the small det...View More
Cally Ber
For some context, I'm 1800 words in and I think I'm coming into the halfway point.
Zerathur A. Naszberuk
Good Khas, that's gonna take a long time to read through, comrade. But I look forward to it! For something that might be so long and using this place as a platform for the readers, then yeah, not going for additional details might be a good call. If it gives enough narration for us readers to unders...View More
Cally Ber
Will do then! I'll keep with this style of this one. Thank you so much! I just wanted to make sure it's atleast somewhat worth a shit to the point of readable. In return during my more free time at work, I'll be catching up on the lores I been wanting to. Mainly yours and Carmine.
hi I love you and your character and your writing <3 that's all,,
Cally Ber
stop ;v;
Read through it and figure out what you want, if they don’t read it it’s either not in their interest or they lazy as fuck.
Cally Ber
And you're right. I'm doing partly for a way to breathe and relax into story writing again.